Thursday, February 12, 2015

I Feel Pretty?!

Pregnancy is a strange and wonderful experience. My body has already been through some pretty crazy, amazing changes, but it's a little bittersweet to watch. I have had countless women tell me that my body will never be the same, and of course, I'm sure that's true, but I really struggle to cope with the fear that they're telling me I'll never be fit again. I know that's not true and that I can get back in shape after baby, but I know it's going to be extremely difficult and it probably won't happen as quickly as I want it to.

I have always struggled with my weight. I started to get a little chubby around age 12, and I got steadily chubbier until about my sophomore year of college. I was never really happy with my body and always wished to be thin, but didn't let it stop me from doing much. I think I just figured I was 'big-boned' (I've always been on the tall side, too), and was never meant to be thin. During college, I gained that freshman 15 (and quite a bit more) without even realizing it. One day, I stepped on a scale and the number I saw shocked me! I'm 5'9" and pretty consistently weighed in around 155 lbs through high school, but now, all of a sudden, I was almost 180 lbs.! I was definitely not okay with that number, or the pants size I was shopping for. I decided to sign up for a PE class at school to have something to get me more active.

I ended up in an early morning aerobics class, and I loved it! I dropped about 15 lbs. over the semester and was feeling great. I wanted to take the class again the next semester, but couldn't fit it into my schedule. In fact, the only class I could find a spot for was a running class! EW! I hated running. I had always hated running. I think my timed mile time at that point was something like 15 minutes. I think I could pretty much speed walk a mile in 15 minutes! But I took the class anyway, and in time, I found out that I loved to run. I made friends who liked to run (didn't hurt that one of them was a cute boy that I really liked at the time), and slowly increased my speed and endurance. I made a goal to run a half marathon. One weekend on a training run, I ran 15 miles and decided I needed a new goal! I signed up for a marathon. I ran it and LOVED it. I did another one, and another one. I was not just thin, I was fit. I weighed 135 lbs. and wore a size 4. It was the smallest I'd ever been and by far the healthiest. Back and foot injuries kept me from running for a long time and it's been about 2 years since I really ran regularly, but I have managed to stay the same size.

Although I know that I'm gaining weight like I should and that my body is doing what it's supposed to to support this baby, it's hard to watch my belly grow and grow and grow. It's hard to see that number on the scale creep up and up and up. And it's especially hard to lack the motivation and energy to eat healthy and exercise. I'm trying, and I do okay, but it's not anything like what I'm used to. I miss the fit me, and I'm scared not to see her again.

*Sigh* I know it's all normal, and that it will all take time. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, and I know that I have the motivation and strength to get back in shape when this pregnancy adventure is over, but it does make me nervous to think about. Will my husband still think I'm attractive when I'm all post-baby flabby? What kind of clothes will I find to wear that can cover my tummy? Etc., Etc.

I know that my body is performing a miracle and I should be proud of every stretch mark and grateful for every pound that means my baby is growing healthy and strong, and I am. In so many ways, I am. I can't believe the things a woman's body can do It truly is miraculous, and I'm so grateful to be experiencing a healthy pregnancy. I know that it's not something everyone gets to do, and there are many who wish they were in my position and would give anything for a stretched out belly and tiger stripes if it meant holding a healthy baby in their arms. I don't mean to sound vain by talking about my fear of my post-baby body. It's been on my mind and I needed to put those worries into words.

24 Weeks

Happy Valentine's Day! We're celebrating by going to a Reel Big Fish concert and out to dinner. I made red velvet sugar cookies (Sean loves red velvet) and we get to spend all day hanging out together, since I'm on Winter Break and he has work off for the day. I can't wait! We're on a horrible schedule for the next few weeks where I work from about 7:30 a.m.-5:00 p.m. and he works 4 p.m. to 4 a.m., 7 days a week. It's not fun. We only see each other when the other person is sleeping. It will be worth it, and it's great to have jobs and be able to provide for ourselves, but it's hard not to get to spend much time together.

School has been great, and busy. We're a few weeks away from the opening of the school musical, The Addams Family. It really is the best musical I've worked on since I've been at DaVinci. I'm so proud of those kids! It's a hilarious show and they're so excited to get to perform it. Also, we had our annual Gender Wars assembly this week...and I got roped into participating in a rap battle against another teacher! Well....I didn't know I had such rhyming skills, but I won the battle in a unanimous vote by the judges :) It was really fun.

Baby Update
24 weeks (almost 25) and feeling pretty good. I only have 10 days left with my good buddy the heart monitor. Thank goodness! I can't wait to get rid of it. I had an incident this morning that made me even more excited to be done with it. I had the PDA transmitter (basically a cell phone that I use to report my symptoms to the Dr.) in my back pocket. I went to use the bathroom and it fell out of my pocket and into the toilet!!! I immediately grabbed it out and started to dry it off. Right now it's sitting in a bag of rice...we'll see how it looks in the morning...cross your fingers for me! I do NOT want to know how much a replacement would cost...

At my last appointment with my OB, she said everything is looking great. I've gained just the right amount of weight, I'm measuring where I should, and little lady's heart sounds great. I hope I get to see another ultrasound soon. I just love any chance I get to see her little face!

Weird symptoms
I've been having heartburn again lately, but not too bad. It's definitely not as bad as it was in the first trimester, but I think it might get worse as the end comes near and she gets bigger...

I'm feeling lots of kicks and punches and somersaults. She is movin' and shakin' in there! I love to feel her moving around. It's still at the stage where it's fun and not painful, so I'm enjoying it while that lasts! If she's this strong now, I'm sure those kicks and punches are going to be pretty intense by the end!

I've been having terrible back pain lately. I have a really hard time falling and staying asleep because of how uncomfortable I get. I have yet to find a comfortable pillow arrangement....although I keep trying! And I'm just not willing to fork over the dough for a pregnancy pillow, comfy as they look. Tylenol seems to help, and my wonderful, amazing husband is always giving me back rubs that do wonders.

I'm still craving a lot of the same things I have since the beginning: cheese, salty snacks like chips and goldfish crackers, burgers and fries, oranges and orange juice.

I'm tired! I have a pretty short window of productivity during the day, ha ha. I do okay from about 7 a.m. to about 2 p.m. After that point, I'm basically exhausted. By the time I get home from work, if I don't immediately walk the dog and make dinner, neither one will happen at all! I'm usually in bed before 9 and asleep well before 10.

I've been joking lately that they make you like a baby before you have a baby. All you want to do is eat, sleep, and cry! Ha ha :)